A More Realistic Look on How Things Should Have Gone for Tsukune
by fluffycat1979
Summary: Seriously, that's it. IKEDA!
1. Don't you dare!

**A slightly more realistic look on how things should have gone for our lovable hero Tsukune.**

###

As Tsukune stepped off the bus, he instantly got the willies.

"Oh god, I've got the willies!" He exclaimed to the heavens.

In front of him was the cause of his willies; a dead forest.

Really, that was it.

Tsukune was such a pansy.

Anyways, Tsukune tried to convince the bus driver to take him back home, but the cigar-toting badass was all like "Fuck you nigga" and drove off, leaving Tsukune-kuuuuuuuuuuun all to himself.

So as he started walking towards the forest, a hundred sirens blared at once.

These lovely sirens alerted a demon fox, a spider girl, a demon king who was an exorcist for some unknowable reason, a sorcerer with a pervy eye in the middle of him damn head, a shinso warlord who totally wears a bow better than you any day of the week, 4 other vampires, a succubus, a witch or two, a snow woman, another pervy eye man who is kind of badass because he shoots pandas at fools, and a huge fucking tentacle dragon.

These pimp-ass mofos materialized dead in front of Tsukune, who was in the process of shitting his britches.

He screamed, "OH SHI-'" before getting slapped by a pimp hand made of fire, web, muscle, dimension swords, red lace bows, vampire blood, bat hammers, shotguns that shoot blood (LOL WUT), even more dimensional swords, flying boobs, huge snow balls, derpy-looking pandas, and hentai in general.

Needless to say, he was obliterated.

Everyone celebrated while yelling, "AT LEAST THE STORY CAN END AWESOME THIS WAY! OTHERWISE, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABUSED FOR A RUSHED ENDING!"

The world was a better place.

###

Dear Ikeda: Please, for the love of god, don't screw us over with a horribly-rushed ending. We deserve better.

Sincerely, Everyone.


	2. End?

**A slightly more realistic look on how things should have gone for our lovable hero Tsukune.**

**PART 2!**

**A/N: This bastard had the nerve…no, the ****_audacity_**** to royally FUCK us in our SENSITIVE REGIONS!**

###

As Ikeda walked into his art studio, he gently locked the door behind him.

Everything had gone to hell.

His home: trashed. His family: cast him out. His fortune: mysteriously disappeared.

"I hope to god whoever left me a broke man dies a most painful death…" He muttered to himself.

See, the sad part about all of this was that- the burden fell on him.

It was HIS fault he desecrated the name of Aono Tsukune and all of his loveable huggable friends.

…It was also his fault that just about every main character from the story was behind him.

"…**Behind you."**

Ikeda whipped his head around in shock, surprised that anyone could've gotten past his elite army of bullshit.

Remember every character that appeared last chapter? Yeah, they were right in front of him cracking their knuckles.

A foul odor began to drift into the room.

Ikeda just shat his britches.

Tsukune yelled, **"FORM THE YOUKAI BOMB! EVERYONE, LEND ME YOUR POWEEEEEERRRRRRR!"**

Everyone in the universe raised their hands into the air, fueling the bomb with their raw hatred towards Ikeda.

The studio disintegrated, leaving Tsukune holding up a massive ball (as big as the earth goddamn) of red, glowing energy.

Moka slowly walked forward, strutting like she actually has a clue to how attractive she is. She stopped next to Tsukune as they both formed their onyx-black armor.

She gave him a kiss, full of tongue, full of passion, and full of GODDAMN JUST FUCK ALREADY.

Tsukune broke away for a brief instant, which was the last moment of Ikeda's pitiful existence.

"**Ikeda…" **He paused. **"I'ma give ya no other chances homie G."**

Just as the universe was ripped asunder from the bomb, the bus driver popped up.

"**Damn straight son, let's just hope you have a season 3 shoved somewhere up your ass diggy dog."**

Then everything stopped…for now.

DUN DUN DUN

###

**A/N: Ikeda…we had so much faith in you senpai. We gave you our hopes, our dreams, and our love. And you cast it all aside.**

**We will find it in our hearts to forgive you; but only if you give us what we want.**

**WE WANT ROSARIO + VAMPIRE SEASON 3.**

**TAKE UP ARMS MY FELLOW READERS, AND RING THE BELL OF GLORY!**


End file.
